


Wantin and Actin

by breilagrl, CariadWinter, Dark_Labyrinth



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-17
Updated: 2012-11-17
Packaged: 2017-11-18 22:12:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breilagrl/pseuds/breilagrl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CariadWinter/pseuds/CariadWinter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Labyrinth/pseuds/Dark_Labyrinth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Be warned that Wash's death was completely and utterly ignored because NO... It never happened and even if it did we wouldn't talk about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wantin and Actin

It was the middle of the night and Mal couldn't sleep because there was too much rollin round in his head. He'd tried real hard not to feel like a Ben dan, but he managed to anyway. It was there, been there since the Doc stepped foot onto Serenity and dang it all he couldn't shake it. He wanted him, first glance... sunglasses, suit, that pretty face just beggin to be stared at. And he did stare. Mal stared until he got himself worked up and started acting like a first class horse’s rear end. Now all that's over, they're all worn thin, and still... still they were being hunted. The gorram Alliance still wanted River back, wanted Simon, and that was just something Mal couldn't give them. Couldn't then. Wouldn't now. They were crew now, family. That and he kept getting that funny feeling in his gut every time the Doc stood up to him.

The Alliance was hot on their trail and even though they'd escaped, it hadn't been without a price. Their friends were dead, killed by a madman, and they'd dang near lost each other. Running his hand through his hair, Mal growled and pulled himself out of bed. If he couldn't sleep, then he might as well make himself useful. Tugging on his boots, but leaving his chest bare, Mal clomped his way through the silent ship and headed towards the kitchen intending to start up the coffee pots everyone would require over the coming hours. Leaving Miranda and all the horror it had created left everyone feeling the grief of all they had lost. What happened on Mr. Universe's moon had been worse and he tried to feel some kind of guilt about it, about what he'd done to get them all to this end, but he couldn't.

Mal came to a dead stop in the doorway to the mess and stared at the man sitting at the table looking as if the universe still made no sense to him. The Doc was sitting at the table, staring down at a book, but looking as though he wasn't taking in a word of it.

"We've been in the black goin' on a few days now, how're you fairin' Doc?"

Simon looked up at the sound of Mal's voice; his expression shuttered and replied with a mumbled, "Could be worse."

Mal knew about worse, he'd lived and breathed it for so long during the war that he thought he would taste it all his life. Worse still woke him in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, slithered behind him in the shadows, and reminded him that anything shiny in the Verse had a shelf life.

With a mumbled "that it could" under his breath, Mal moved to the counter and poured himself a cup of the coffee the Doc had started. Simon watched him, not really up for conversation at the moment, but then they'd never been known for heart to hearts so it was possible they could actually share silence together.

More and more in the past days Mal's mind had drifted to the day he'd met Simon, it wasn't only him, it was Book as well. They'd needed the money, but he'd not wanted either of them there, especially Book... now his friend was gone and he didn't know how to sort that around in his head. His coffee was in his cup, poured and he didn't rightly remember doin' it, but he moved to his chair and sat down. He stared down at the cup, lost in his own thoughts for a while, then looked up to find the Doc staring at him; face blank up until the moment the man looked back down at his book.

"Somethin' weighin' on your mind, Doc?" Mal asked. Things had almost been slightly sociable between the two of them before River's meltdown on Beaumonde, but during the bad they'd landed right back at the beginning.

Simon took in a deep breath and closed his book, but didn't look up, "How long do you think we'll be running now?"

Mal took a sip of his coffee, the strength of it causing him to clear his throat, before saying, "Until you're both dead or the Alliance decides it don't need what yer sister's got."

Simon liked the silence better than that answer, but he'd known there was no other answer. His eyes closed for a moment, heart beating a little faster and he nodded before licking his lips and saying the only thing he'd been thinking for days now, "Then I think it's time River and I really did leave Serenity."

Mal sipped his coffee and placed it back on the table and stared at the Doc, waiting for him to come to his senses.

"You know I'm right and it'll be safer for you and your crew if we do what we should have done ages ago," Simon replied to the hard stare and pulled himself up out of his chair to walk his own cold coffee over to pour it out.

"Cai bu shi, and who do you think will keep you safe in the verse?" Mal didn't know whether to throttle the Doc or talk him down; either way he couldn't believe the suggestion of them leaving had even been voiced.

Simon used to think it was the crew, more to the point... Mal that would endanger River, now he knew it was the other way around. "I managed before you, I'll manage again without you and don't tell me this isn't what you wanted long before now," he said, keeping his voice calm and even as he turned to face the captain.

"Somehow, I think River ain't gonna be too thrilled about bein' a Popsicle again. You'll get nabbed by the feds inside a day. I'll have to turn the ship around, come rescue the two of ya's... Easier this way. Makes for less of a headache on me."

"I'm not asking for you to come and play hero, Captain. In point of fact, I got her out of that hell without your help or your protection and I would have gotten her to our destination and been out of your hair forever had you not gone off half-cocked and opened the Cryo-unit. You've been aching to get rid of us from the start and now here's your chance. Leave it alone and drop us at the next safe destination. We're getting off and that's final," Simon growled out, his frustration over the last few weeks peaking and causing him to lose what self-control he had left.

Mal stood slowly and turned to face the Doc before speaking, "I seem to remember us having a conversation about you and that word. You want to think real hard before you go trying to voice what it is you think I want or do not want to do. You want to take River away from her home? You want to go off half-cocked and risk her life!? Why don't you think on that for a bit, Doc?" Mal had started angry, words clipped and short and it took everything he had in him to try to end a little calmer.

Simon's eyes narrowed, fingers curling around the edge of the counter tightly, and he tried to calm himself as he droned out, "I recall plenty about that day; mostly you taking my baby sister out to help you rob a bank and nearly getting her killed. You made it clear then that we weren't a part of your crew and we were only here as long as we could make ourselves useful. You don't like me and everyone is scared of River. Half of you don't even consider her a person at all and don't you look at me that way, Mal. It's been said plenty and you know it. That's the type of home you expect me to keep her in? I don't get you. I don't think I ever will. But what I don't understand is why? You've expressed your desire to get rid of us time and time again, but you never follow through. Why?"

Mal felt that familiar tingling he always got when Simon got himself all worked up like he did, "My how's and why's are no one's concern but mine. Shiny was a little scared but she's gotten over it. You and River are a part of the crew. That's the end of it."

"No, Captain, we're not. You've never let us be and now I'm just tired of waiting for you to make up your mind. Too many people have died because of this. I won't watch any more of you die because of us. We're getting off, Mal, and I'm not changing my mind," Simon sighed, most of his anger abated finally, and he moved to retrieve his book so that he could head back to his room.

Mal glared at Simon for what had to be a good minute before speaking, "If you're waitin' on engraved invitations it might take a bit. I said you were part of this crew, that's the end of it. You two won't survive out there, how you did before without getting yerselves killed is beyond me. Or she's going to be the one dyin' tryin' to protect you. You..." Mal had enough; he turned and headed for the bridge and some peace and quiet.

Simon stared after the captain, his hand clenching around his book, and he had to take a few deep breaths to keep from yelling after the man. Fighting would get them nowhere and he'd meant what he'd said. He wasn't going to change his mind. At the next safe port, he and River would be leaving Serenity. With a long sigh and a quick roll of stiff shoulders, he turned and headed down to his bunk.

 

Part Two

 

River was sitting on the edge of the cot staring at the wall. The overhead light made patterns and she enjoyed watching the shadows and light play together. It was rather like a dance and she could spend hours trying to figure out the music inside the silky movements. The door swung open and Simon entered the room, bringing a whole host of new shadows and altering the fine thread she had been following. When she understood she had lost the moment, River slowly turned to look at her brother, blinked and smiled. He looked cranky, frustrated and she tilted her head to the side. "Music's changed," she said softly.

Simon stopped, any anger he'd had left over fading, and he sighed as he offered his sister a small smile. He moved across the floor and sat next to her on the bed. "The music is always changing, Mei Mei," he stated softly and then brought his hand up to smooth down her hair at the back of her head.

Without the music River was trying to deal with the quiet in her head ever since Miranda. "I prefer the music to the quiet," she said softly, "the quiet has teeth."

Simon sighed quietly and stroked her hair a few times before trying to rummage through everything he wanted to say and everything he couldn't. River leaned into his petting and the comfortable quiet settled around them as he thought.

"You should be sleeping, Mei Mei," Simon scolded lightly.

River turned her head to look up at Simon; seeing that he wasn't really angry she grinned impishly, "I was before, but I'm not now."

Chuckling, he dropped his hand away and turned to stare at the door, his mind trying to piece together the words to ask her what she thought about them leaving Serenity for good. Things just seemed to be getting more complicated than he'd like, after exposing the Alliance he thought it would get easier, it didn't.

"River," he began, turning to look at her and all the ache of the last few weeks caught up with him, both physical and mental. "I was thinking... I... a lot has changed for us. For everyone. I was thinking that perhaps now... now is the time for us to go. We could get off at the next safe port, go to ground, maybe even work our way home some day. I know the Alliance is still searching, but their secret is out now thanks to you. We've got a little more leash. We might even find a place to call home." Simon's voice grew softer and he looked down at his hands in his lap. "A real home."

River listened as Simon spoke, but turned her head to look at him half way through. The words started to jumble a little in her head when she realized Simon was talking about them leaving. She had to focus to keep her attention on exactly what he was saying and not run off wildly on thirteen different tangents or just more simply put her hands over her ears to stop it all. "We have a real home," she said softly, her voice hesitant as she reached out a hand and tapped it a few times against the edge of the bed, reassuring herself that yes, this was real. "See? Real. It's not just in my head."

Simon frowned and pulled one of her hands into his before speaking, "No I mean a real home, on solid ground. One that... one where..." Mal had said they were a part of the crew now, but how long would that last? He'd said that before, called them his crew and his family and then as soon as things had gone and gotten sticky he'd treated them like nothing but trouble hitch-alongs. "I could take care of us, Mei Mei. You know that right? That I'd always take care of you?"

River smiled and tilted her head slightly to the side. "Of course you always take care of me, Simon. You came to save me." She remembered the experiments and the... "Wash promised to teach me how to do an Ivan. I want to learn that. Do you think we'll have time to learn before we have to leave?" She'd evaded the question of leaving. For now. She knew the real reason Simon wanted to leave and she'd fix it.

"I'm sure he'll teach you before we reach port somewhere. We should be in the black for a spell still. But once we get there, Mei Mei... I don't want to take you away if you really do want to stay here. I just... think we'd be better on our own. Safer." Simon's eyes went unfocused as he thought of all the innocent lives lost because of them. Too many people had died. Wash and Zoe, Kaylee... Mal… they’d nearly died as well. "And at least we'd know we were wanted in our own home. No more back and forth with the crazy."

"I like the crazy and I like it here," River said with a hint of stubbornness in her voice. She figured with the time she had before they came to the next port, she'd have to do things quickly. Leaning her head against Simon's shoulder she sighed.

Simon was making her think. If they left, they would never have a home. He knew that, she knew that and they pretended like it was different as if they were still children. If they stayed, home went with them when they ran. Mal, Kaylee, Wash, Zoe and even Jayne would never be safe. It didn't matter any longer if she was gone, they would always be hunted. "We'll always be running. We can't ever go home again."

"Yeah," he mumbled, no more than a whisper. Simon heard what his sister was saying, probably even agreed with it in truth, but he was tired and frustrated... maybe felt a little betrayed... and he was, well, tired of being frustrated. "I know we'll never stop. They'll never stop." Rising, he crossed to the door and leaned heavily on the frame. "We'll stay if you want. If you really feel like this is home now."

 

Part Three

 

They'd been in the black for too long without being buzzed. She wondered if the feds were still after them or if it the Alliance was still in control. Another war could break out and she didn't know if she and Mal would be lucky enough to make it through another one. She watched her husband as he leaned back in his pilot’s seat and smiled. "So, Husband, we need fuel or we'll be on the drift before too long?" She reached a hand out and ran her fingers through his hair.

Wash nodded and leaned his head back into his wife's touch. "We should be to Three Hills not for too long. Should be able to refuel and stock up there. I think we could all use steppin down gravity side for a piece. You think Mal will let us stay more than it takes to get the ship up and ready?"

"Odds are fairly good we should be able to steal some time off - assuming Jayne doesn't shoot someone, or any other number of things go wrong," she mused, massaging her husbands scalp gently. "Why? You have something particular in mind or just wanting to stretch your legs a while?"

"Wouldn't mind seeing a sun set," he replied with a wistful smile. "Maybe breathing some real, fresh air. Might be nice to round up some food that ain’t protien." Wash tilted his head back more and smiled up at the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. "Could buy you something slinky maybe," he purred with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"Slinky and... Red?" she said with an arch of her own brow. Zoe fisted her hand in her husband’s hair and held his head in place while she leaned down to place a soft kiss to his lips. "MMMmmm... Sunsets and slink, sounds good."

Wash hummed a little, his brain pausing while he enjoyed the soft touch of his wife's lips. He grinned as she pulled back, licked his lips in an over-exaggerated manner and smacked his lips for good measure. "Sunset and slink it is then. And who knows? Maybe this time we could even enjoy a night or so and not have the Feds ruin our fun. Or get in a brawl..." Wash grinned, cocked an eyebrow and pitched his voice a little higher, taking the mickey. "What on earth would we do with ourselves without being surrounded by ten kinds of trouble?"

Zoe snorted and shrugged one shoulder. "Don't rightly know, but if we ever manage to find one of those days, being that they exist and all, I'll let you know."

"Shen sheng de gao wan. What have I told you two about doing that on the bridge?" Mal asked.

Wash put a finger to his lips and tilted his head in mock thoughtfulness. "What you told me, what you told me...Put the lid down when...no, it wasn't that one...Don't crash the...no, it wasn't that one either. How about...."

Mal held back the smirk that Wash could bring to his face and grabbed one of his toy dinosaurs. "I let you play with these up here, don't make me regret buyin' 'em for you. Now quit playing with Zoe and tell me how long to Three Hills."

Wash caught the little toy dinosaur and gave Mal a mutinous look before turning back to his panel as he pet the Stegosaurus. "Five days, give or take we don't run up on trouble," he replied and turned his gaze back to the captain. "We settin down for a few right? We got time to do a little... shopping?"

Zoe's eyes lightened a bit at Wash's comment. Shopping. Truly. Only he. "What he means to say, sir... Is will we be taking a little time to gather provisions?"

Mal thought for a moment, not really certain whether or not he wanted to hang around too long in any given place just yet. "Might spare us a night or so. Not too long though. Alliance may have gone quiet for a spell, but I ain't gonna risk us this soon outta tha black. Just stay sharp when we get there and don't draw too much attention to yourselves."

Zoe nodded and cast a quick glance at her husband, a very small smile hitching the corner of her mouth. "Now Captain, you know we've never been one for drawing attention to ourselves."

"So long as you keep the red slink indoors I think we'll be safe," Mal replied, looking out into the black. He twisted wrong and his side protested the movement. "Call me if we crash," he said while he turned to leave and make sure he hadn't busted the stitches again.

 

Part Four

 

Mal left the bridge and worked his way down to the infirmary. When he got there he peeked in to see if the Doc was in there and found he wasn't. With a sigh of relief he moved inside while unbuttoning his shirt. He went to the drawer where the scissors were and pulled a pair out to put on the counter. "Gou neong yung de," he cursed with a hiss as he looked down to see he had in fact ripped one of the stitches.

Simon's eyebrow arched as he rounded the corner to the infirmary and he stopped in the doorway, arms at his sides. "Actually, my mother was a very sweet woman. Bit full of herself sometimes, but sweet. You might have even liked her," he mused and moved into the room. He was exhausted, not having slept at all the night before, and chose to forget about his earlier confrontation with the captain altogether for now. "What do you think you're doing?"

Mal was picking at the stray stitch when Simon spoke and caused him to simultaneously jump and pull the stitch. "Gorramit, Doc. Warn a person when you get to sneakin' up on 'em." He turned to look at Simon and pull his shirt closed at the same time. "I was... I mean... There was some and I just... Yup. I'll just be on my way."

Simon stepped into the captain's path, his face set in a mask of indifference, even if he found the situation a little amusing. "Uh huh." Any fondness he felt for the insufferable man though was a distraction and he didn't need that right now. "I'm no Sha gua, Captain, and I did have a pretty good view." Simon's hand reached out for the edge of Mal's shirt and he gave him a patient stare, waiting for him to let him examine him.

Mal knew that look, that look had intrigued him since the first moment he saw him. "Never said you were," Mal retorted. The look was still there, waiting and patient. "It ain't nuthin' really. Stitches need to come out anyway." He released his hand on his shirt and let it fall back open a little. "You want to take 'em out fer me?"

"Better than watching you do it yourself," Simon mumbled, his eyes already having dropped to examine the healing wound at Mal's side. His fingers brushed along the skin beside the stitched line. A mild brush of pink outlined it, but other than that, it seemed well enough that it was time. He'd not done too much damage by busting one. "Go sit. I'll take them out."

Mal watched the Doc's face as he opened his shirt to examine the wound. He never gave anything away, that one. It was part of Mal's problem with his... with his whatever it was he had for the Doc. He couldn't read that part of him and he never pushed his affections where it wasn't wanted. He removed his shirt and sat down on the exam table hoping to get the ones in back out as well. "Ready when you are, Doc."

Simon turned from getting forceps and small scissors to find a half naked Mal staring back at him. "Right," he said slowly, not expecting the sight before him. Then it dawned on him what the man wanted. Right, he repeated silently to himself and crossed to stand between Mal's legs. "Lean back for me so I have a clear line of sight. I'd hate to slip and clip something you don't want clipped."

Mal licked his lips as Simon stood between his legs. It would be so easy to just.... His hand clung to the table and he swallowed a little to keep himself from saying anything wrong. He lay back and shifted his leg so he didn't bump the Doc. "On my back... For you..." So much for not saying something wrong.

A light blush rose in Simon's cheeks, despite the fact that he couldn't, from the captain's inflection, tell whether it was innuendo or a dig. "I could let Jayne play at you with scissors if you'd prefer it," he replied, training his eyes on clipping the first of the stitches. "I'm sure that would thrill him beyond all measure of things. What do you think, Captain?" He tugged gently with the forceps, pulling the first of the stitches free and then moved on to the next.

Mal's eyebrow arched at the light stain of pink in the Doc's cheeks. "In my weakened state he might get in a good gash or three, but just makes more work for you, Doc. And if he gets lucky... well do you really want him runnin' things around here?"

Simon's hands stilled and his eyes darted up to meet Mal's. That worm twisted tighter in his gut, slithered up to gnaw at him, and he grit his teeth as he dropped his eyes back to his work. "Don't reckon we'll have a chance to find out," he replied and clipped the next stitch. "As amusing as that would be to watch." He finished the rest of the front stitches as quickly as possible, then motioned for Mal to roll over. "Talked to River last night. She figures this is the only home that makes sense for her. She likes it here. Likes you well enough too."

Mal felt his expression go hard at Simon's words. He was still going to try to leave. The false light mood they'd created was gone and now he was back to getting angry again. He'd said they were crew and now they were leaving. Just like Book... He rolled and folded his arms under his head with his chin on his forearm and looking at the wall. Then he said... Mal turned his head to face the Doc. "Does that mean... You're not trying to leave now, then?"

Simon didn't look at him, just focused on his work. "She wants to stay. Made good points. We'll always be running. Might as well run with you as long as it lasts. I go where she goes and if she stays... then so do I."

It was bittersweet. They were staying. But Simon still wanted to leave. "Well you both sure are welcome. Everyone wants you to stay. 'Cept Jayne but we don't much count him anyway." Mal could feel the pull as the stitches were removed and he put his chin back on his forearm. "We'll be in Three Hills in a few days. Going to stay maybe a day or two. We might want the two of you to stay outta sight for now. Probably me as well. The three of us will be the ones the Alliance are most lookin' for."

"I don't plan to go wandering if that's what you're worried about," Simon told him and clipped the last of his stitches, then pulled it free. His fingers traced the puckered new flesh; the captain had healed nicely. Swords always did leave some of the cleanest wounds. Bullets were the nasty ones. "You're finished, but it'll still be tender for a spell. Try not to irritate it. I know that's hard for you, but perhaps you could give it a go this time."

Mal's eyes rolled shut when fingers traced over his new scar. He didn't change his breathing but he relished in the small touch. After a short bit Mal pulled himself up and slid off the table to stand in front of the Doc. "Ain't got no use for idleness, you know that. But we'll see what we can do." He gave him a smile and a wink then reached for his shirt. "No more talks of leaving, then?"

Simon looked up at Mal, not really sure of the answer he could give him. For now, no, no more talk of leaving. But how soon would things change again? His heart sunk a little with the thought. Things always seemed to change so quickly now. "For now," was all Simon could tell him and he turned to walk back over to the counter so he could clean his instruments. He set them down next to the small sink and leaned against the counter; tired and his own body ached from too much exertion and not enough rest.

Mal buttoned up his shirt and watched the Doc walk away. The answer was not one he'd wanted to hear, but he'd have to make do. "You look tired, Doc. Perhaps you should get some rest your own self."

Simon nodded, but didn't turn. "Just going to check my own, then I'll lie down for a bit," he told him, took a deep breath as he pushed himself away from the counter, and then reached for the buttons of his own shirt. "Keep taking the meds I gave you until you've finished them though. I don't care if your stitches are out, no sense in you getting an infection when you could have avoided it. Let me know if the area gets irritated or inflamed."

Mal shook his head. The Doc was just as pigheaded as he was at times. "If they need to come out it'd be better if someone else did them for ya." He watched the Doc work on his buttons and had to smile. "Looks like it's your turn to lay down fer me. Shiny."

Simon turned to give the captain a wary look over his shoulder and then turned to look down at where the bullet had entered him. The skin was still very tender, but it was healed enough that the stitches could come out. "Alright," he agreed, gathered up the forceps and scissors again, then moved to hand them to Mal. The captain looked entirely too pleased with himself and that made Simon a bit nervous. "I should know better than to willingly give you sharp objects when in close contact with my person," he mused and pulled himself up onto the table.

Mal took the tools and smiled again. "Always did like playin doctor." He moved to the table and waited for Simon to lay back. He gave him a glowing smile then looked down to his stitches. Seeing the wound again had his smile fading. Hun dan Alliance. Every one of his crew was hurt by them at Miranda. He placed one hand gently around the wound, palm down, then clipped the first stitch. He took his time and was as gentle as possible while removing the stitches.

Simon settled back on the table, letting his shirt fall open, and he stared up at the ceiling. "I think your version of playing doctor and mine are two very different things," he mumbled. Eyes sliding shut, Simon let himself drift a little. Mal's hand was hot against his skin, framed the tender area of his healing wound, and for a moment he forgot his other worries and aches. When he felt the last gentle tug of the final stitch being pulled, he smiled softly, just a slight curl of his lips, but didn't open his eyes. "Thank you, Captain," he murmured.

Mal put the forceps and scissors on the small tray with one hand while the other still rested against his stomach. He let his thumb caress softly over the closed wound and looked up to see a lazy smile on Simon's face and his eyes were closed. He could just... "Simon..." The hand slid up the flat plane of his stomach and chest and stopped on his collar bone. "I want you to stay. No for now's. Just stay." It was the closest Malcolm Reynolds had ever come to begging.

Simon opened his eyes, body shivering at the slow, calloused slide of Mal's hand up his torso. The touch burned through him, made his breath hitch, and he had to focus as he looked up at him. The captain didn't call him Simon often, so that was an oddity in and of itself. It was always Doc or Doctor. Another was the man actually asking for them to stay. It would be so easy to just say yes and let it drop. The warmth of the hand at his collar was making sure that there was no fight in him. But then... "You called us crew once before, Mal," Simon whispered. "Said we were a part of you. Then it all changed. I've never seen you go back on your word. So tell me, what makes this time different than the first?"

Mal slid his hand along the collar bone and looked into Simon's eyes. "Never went back on my word before you. You bring out the worst in me sometimes, Doc." Mal's voice was soft and even. He didn't want the words to be misunderstood. "You fight me when no one else does. Makes it hard to see past my own frustration. You were always crew. I shouldn'ta said different."

The pink in Simon's cheeks darkened as Mal's hand slid against him again and he licked at his lips. "I'm not afraid of you, Mal. I never have been and I won't back down, especially when it concerns River. I may not understand you sometimes, but I don't expect you to change either. Wouldn't be you then. I'm already going to have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. I just don't want it to be here... with you. I can't. If you can't handle me, Mal, then you need to let me go. Should have back on Beaumonde." His voice stayed soft as he spoke, Simon's eyes never strayed from Mal's, and he fought hard to keep his wits about him and not simply give in to what was happening.

Mal stopped moving his hand and listened to what Simon was saying. Part of what he had liked from day one about Simon Tam was his love and protection towards his sister. It showed loyalty, character, strength and so much more. "Can't," he whispered in response to letting him go. He closed his eyes then opened them again to look at the handsome man. "I never said I didn't like it that you fought with me. I just said it gets frustratin'. I can't let you go, Simon. Can't get you outta my head." He licked his lips and leaned to hover over him. "I want you... Want you to stay. You and River."

Another small smile curled at Simon's lips. He knew they would be at each other plenty more times than either of them could count. They would fight, snarl and snap at each other, and it wouldn't be the last time threats flew between the two of them. It was just who they were. Simon knew though that after this, he'd never really go anywhere and Mal would never let him. At least not until the day they really did drive each other to the end; maybe not even then. "Guess I have your word then," he murmured and brought his own hand up to rest lightly on the captain's hip. "I promise I won't leave. Now you have mine."

Mal smiled and felt heat blossom from the hand that held onto his hip. He didn't know if he was making a mistake, if Simon was about to push him away or if there was one bit of this verse that made sense to him. But he couldn't stop. He lowered his head and brushed his lips gently against the Doc's. Just a soft touch of lips until he felt he needed to taste him and licked softly at the full bottom lip.

River poked her head around the corner and peered into the infirmary. Hair hiding most of her face, she watched as the captain kissed her brother. Maybe she wouldn't have to fix it for them after all; they seemed to be playing nice at the moment. Both were stubborn, thought they knew too much... but they didn't know nothin. 'Cept maybe each other. It fit; made it all mesh like proper now. She smiled, watching as their kiss grew with more fire between them. They'd never be rid of each other now and she got to keep her home. This one went with them, never had to be away. Serenity's music changed, made her smile bigger and she swayed to it while Simon and the Captain did a dance of their own.

Simon's free hand lifted, buried itself deep into Mal's thick brown hair, and he closed his eyes at the soft brush of warm lips against his own. His heart fluttered wildly, threatening to burst from his chest. Either he was delusional from exhaustion or... actually, chances were he was just delusional. There was no way in the Verse that Malcolm Reynolds was actually kissing him. Ever. Mal didn’t even like him most days.

It was just as unexpected as it was blissfully welcome. His attraction for the man had been long standing. At first sight, Mal was handsome, bit rough around the edges, but handsome to the point that it caused heat to blossom on the back of Simon’s neck. The man was rude, belligerent, pigheaded like no one he’d ever met, and it was always Mal’s way or no way. But then, Mal was solid, loyal beyond a shadow of a doubt, and he, nine times out of ten, did the right thing even when it wasn’t the right thing. He was smart, cunning, funny, and Tian xiao de the man could kiss.

A warm, wet tongue brushed across his lips and Simon opened for it. He moaned softly at the feel of it dipping into his mouth and just like that, any rational thought he'd been clinging to vanished.

Mal felt lips part beneath his and his tongue slid inside the hot cavern of the Doc’s mouth. The hand on his collar slipped into his hair at the back of his head while his other supported his weight on the bed. Simon was responding to him and that had Mal confident that the kiss was not unwanted. He tilted his head more and truly searched out every inch of Simon’s mouth until the need for air became too great and he had to break the kiss. 

Mal gasped for breath as the kiss broke and before he knew it he was delving in for more. Simon’s taste was intoxicating and he wanted more. His hand fisted in his hair, tugging his head to the side and his mouth moved from his lips to kiss and bite gently at his neck. “Feng le,” Mal whispered in his ear. 

Simon chuckled, breathless from the kiss and then smoothed his lips together. Mal’s taste lingered there and it made him a little light-headed. “I’ll say,” he whispered. He felt over-heated and a little dazed; wondered what exactly was going to happen when the captain came to his senses and realized what he was doing.

“You sure you’ve recovered fully, Captain?” Simon asked and met Mal’s gaze again. “You kissin me wasn’t exactly what I was expecting from you. Not that it wasn’t good. It was very good. I just… wasn’t expecting it.”

Mal shook his head and lifted up to meet Simon’s gaze. “Thought you knew me, did ya?” Before Simon could speak though Mal was kissing him again. This time no where near as soft. It was fiery and passionate; Mal’s tongue pillaging Simon’s mouth until he was lifting his torso up off the bed and crushing it to his own. His arm held him tight while his hand still held a fistful of hair and he could swear the temperature in the infirmary had just shot up ten degrees if not more. 

If there was pain in his wounds he didn’t feel it. All Mal could feel was the hot bare chest pressed up against his own and he was suddenly wishing he hadn’t put his shirt back on. He’d been fighting this for so long that kissing him felt like food to a starvin’ man. 

The words, “No, I’ve never understood you,” were stifled as Mal’s mouth crushed Simon’s. His heart fluttered again and heat exploded across the back of his neck. The fingers in his hair twisted tighter in his hair and Simon gasped, his mouth opening. 

There were a lot of things that Simon thought about himself and things he imagined other people expected of him. Giving up control wasn’t nor had it ever been one of them. He’d fought to maintain his control for so long that when he lost it, his temper flared. That’s why the captain had always affected him the way he had. This time however, Simon didn’t even think about it. He went when Mal pulled him up, his arms lifted to wrap around him, and he moaned at the feel of the strong arm holding them together. 

Shifting his legs, Simon twisted in Mal’s grip until his legs hung over the edge of the examine table. His hands clutched at the hard points of the man’s shoulder blades and he tilted his head until his mouth was being plundered at a different angle. It was hard and demanding; maybe he was proving a point, maybe it was just Mal, but it had the heat at Simon’s neck licking down his spine to his hips and around to his groin.

“Mal,” he gasped, turning his head out of the kiss. “I don’t know if… either of us are really in a condition… to do this right now. And… and… the door’s open. The windows. Anyone could see us.”

Mal moved quickly between Simon’s legs and pulled him tighter against him when he sat up. He had no idea it would be like this. Truth be told he never thought he’d ever really kiss him. Of course he’d wanted to, he’d wanted to since the first day he’d seen him on Persephone. There’s a vast difference between wantin’ and actin’. 

When the kiss broke Mal cleared his throat a little and listened to the Doc’s voice. Always did get to him. He had known where they were and knew that if seen he’d likely never hear the end of it. He didn’t mind, he was used to it and he gave back as good as he got. But the Doc… he was always a sort of private person. 

“We ain’t doin’ nuthin’ but kissin’, Doc.” Though he still held him close and wasn’t quite ready to let him go. “I wasn’t plannin’ on molestin’ ya right here.” He gave a wicked smirk and looked around at the open door and windows. “Unless…” he looked back to him. “Unless, you’re wantin’ me to.” With that he tugged his body closer and let his own half hard body press against the Doc’s. 

Simon swallowed down another groan at the feel of Mal pressed so tightly against him. It had been longer than he’d care to acknowledge since he’d had any sort of intimate contact and this alone had him half hard and still swelling. In fact, the man could probably bring him off by doing very little and that was going to be embarrassing enough. He didn’t need the whole Yu ben de ship knowing about it and taking a piss every two seconds.

His hands came around to rest on Mal’s chest and he smoothed his fingers down over the buttons of his shirt. “Never been kissed like that before,” he stated, then licked his lips and looked down at his hands. “A kiss like that, it leads places and no, I’m not prepared to let you molest me plain as day where anyone could just walk by.”

He looked back up, eyes a little glazed from the firm press of their groins together. “Doesn’t matter how much I want you to.” Simon’s hands smoothed back up Mal’s chest, over his collarbone, and came to rest at the sides of his neck. “I’ve lost my mind,” he murmured softly and shook his head. “You just never had yours.” With that he leaned his head forward and captured his lips again.

Mal could see Simon thinking again. Something he was good at. He always thought things through and Mal imagined that he was going to think a bit about all this after he was gone. He was right though, a kiss like that usually lead places, places he was willing to explore just not right away. 

He was about to chuckle at the lack of brain comment when Simon was initiating the next kiss. Mal let his hand knead in the firm muscles and soft skin of the Doc’s back before breaking the kiss. He was thinking how Simon was saying he wasn’t prepared to be molested but his body was saying something altogether different. 

“How ‘bout we wait for a little while before we get to the molestin’ part.” Mal tried for calm and in control and probably would’ve pulled it off if he wasn’t so breathless from their kissing. He gave him one more soft press of lips and moved his body back just enough so he wasn’t pressed against him. “I got some captainy things to do just now. Meet me later, after dinner?”

Simon smoothed his lips together again, swayed a little where he sat, and nodded. “After dinner,” he agreed and that made his pulse race again. “I should, um… lie down for a while anyway.” He slipped down from the table slowly and reached to button his shirt back up. “Just call me if anyone needs anything.” 

He swallowed around the lump in his throat and tried to sort his way through the fog that had settled over his brain. Simon knew good and well that it would take him a while to sleep. This changed things, not a lot, but enough. “And don’t irritate that side,” he warned as he finished off the last of his buttons and looked up again.

Mal moved back again and let the Doc get up off the table. He watched him, his body growling that he could just take him down to his quarters and find all kinds of pleasin’ noises comin’ from him. Instead he started tucking in his own shirt and pulling up his suspenders. Things seemed to work out in Mal’s mind. He felt better now that he knew his attraction was returned. 

“I’ll be good, Doc. No reason to you frettin’.” He gave him a wink and stepped back into him and cupped his cheek. Once he was sure he’d gotten his full attention he bent his head and gave him one last kiss. “After dinner.” With that he walked out to find River sitting on the sofa. “Heya, River,” he said nonplussed and gave her a smile and a nod as he went about his day.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love, please let me know what you think.


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